Misery Business

Back when I passed Level I there was a joke thrown out in a video lecture. Went something like this:

"I hope wherever you are right now accounting is your date on Friday night. You can't go to a movie, you can't go to a bar. The more miserable you are, the more likely you are going to pass the exam."

There may be some truth to that. Right now I am owning up to my responsibilities and being a good candidate, though my social life is mostly non existent. But on the whole, I'm at peace. That is a key difference from Level II last year. Last year I was pissed for about 12 months after I got dumped the day after the exam by a girlfriend of three years. I was also under a lot of pressure to close on a house in time to complete a 1031 exchange. Those two factors sucked away the desire to study. It made LII impossible following a Dec 07 LI passing exam, and two weeks before the exam I felt so burnt.

Though I'm content with my dedication, there seems to be so much information behind me that I am afraid I will forget. There seems to be so much more between now and the exam I still need to learn. But I think back to LI and 3 weeks before the exam it wasn't clicking yet on the practice exams, and then I was able to turn it up. So I need to stick to the game plan, stay on pace in this marathon with enough juice to kick through the finish line sprinting with all I have.

Sure, passing an exam like this can absolutely suck sometimes. But just like everything, this experience has so much opportunity. Sacrifice is rewarded. Self respect is earned through self discipline. The lessons in dedication this experience offers are transferable and will allow me to see into myself and discover what I have in me. This is an opportunity to grow. The dedication to goal and purpose shown in this exam should reflect in all things I do, and all things I do should reflect in my dedication to this single goal.

Thematic Framework: Passion

I should not be content to have passive interests in anything. Interest should be directed toward passion and activity. In order to achieve success in the things that are important to me I need to be gravely serious in pursuing my goals each day. I need to prove myself everyday at work, in the gym, in how I eat, and in my preparation for the CFA Exam. To achieve the future I seek, I need to pursue the present I have.

how did you meet? ...oh we met through friends

you hear this conversation all of the time. a happy couple says they met "through friends." this should tell you one of two things:

a) they met in a bar when they went out with their friends. but they won't tell you that because they want to believe "you don't meet special people in bars" when that is the only reason to go somewhere and pay for overpriced drinks with your friends when you could all gather at home and get more drunk, and not worry about driving.

b) one of them was dating the other's friends before the attraction was "too strong" or they "grew closer" when mr. assed-out was away at school, the military, or work. most likely this mutual friend no longer exists in their lives. sometimes it's less of a home wrecking situation and your friend breaks up with someone and you go in for the kill.

anyway, i'm going to a bar tonight. here is my pick up line this evening:

"hi i'm chris balster."

92 days

The exam is in 92 days. The history that takes place everyday in the markets is a huge distraction. I work 11 hour days without a second thought these days, and do something social afterward for a few hours to feel better about this lifestyle. The 11 hour days are broken by the occassional 13-14 hour day with no social activities. When do I study? Weekends.

Money and possessions

Somehow John Mayer's "I'm Yours" is still #5 in the country though it must have been released as a single when I was still in college. In the song he says "There's no need to complicate." That line came up today while driving. I do a lot of thinking when I'm driving. Hearing this line on the road reminded me that money and possessions have the ability to complicate, moreso possessions; money is just the catalyst. As I've become immersed in my studies in the last week I feel like I've come into a feeling of clarity. With a huge test on the horizon and immense curriculum to learn, my responsibilities are fairly simple. Work, study, and take a break every now and then to not burn out. I don't have to sit around anymore wondering what to do, the clarity is there, I should be studying. Clarity brings focus. Clarity makes things simple.

Along those lines, during my drive today I thought a little about some advice I received yesterday to "Change the way you think." I think I need to simplify things where less is more (I acknowledge that in some instances less is, simply, less). One of these things is possessions. I have way too much crap. I own four pairs of jeans. There are only two days a week I even have the opportunity to wear jeans. I can think of lots of examples such as this where I have too much. It's a waste of time. I could expand more on this subject but I think this is sufficient. Less is more here. See what I did there?

The answer's in the question, I should have known that all along

The fact that I go one month without an entry and then follow up with entries on consecutive days transcends the inconsistency in my life. If life were a final exam you would see me constantly switching writing utensils while skipping all over the Scantron. Tie that off with the fact that there is an emerging "question" motif to the entry titles. I swear to you that was not planned, as you might deduce below, as these entries are not related.

I came to a bit of a realization this evening while driving in the car. I spend a lot of time searching for answers. Trying to find solutions. I think I've come to find this mindless toiling is wasted when a critical step is missed. As important as solving problems and finding answers is, it's critical to also be asking the right questions. So that's where I'm focused right now. I'm focused on making sure I am asking myself the right questions so that I work for the right answers and solutions. I need to work to answer the questions where the answer is clear, and there is no mystery, where it's all laid out for me and I just have to be willing to walk down that path.

Too emo? probably.

I question myself

At this point my lack of motivation makes me question myself. I ask myself how bad I want this. Because right now my actions have not shown that I am willing to make the sacrifices necessary to obtain the CFA Charter. Maybe in the last week I have become a bit more dedicated. And maybe I have been putting in a lot of time in the office. But flat out, successful people make time to achieve their goals, and they are cognizant of the limits of their bodies and the energy they have. It kind of sucks to say this but I have been having too much fun lately. Going out too much, hanging out too much, and wasting too much time. Too much time spent on Facebook and too many late nights in bars. I can't go completely into a shell to get the job done, but I need to be more selective about my outings. Bars do not align at all with my career or personal goals. Maybe I should plan my acceptable distractions:

LOG meetings
LOG select outings
Running/Fitness
Movies/Dinners

I know I want this. And I do not want to not pass this test. I know I will be a Charterholder someday, but I'd rather it sooner than later. Class starts this week. The time is now. Amen.